You are the Walrus. Goo goo gajoob.
Avoid taking unnecessary gambles. Your lucky numbers are: 12. 14. 32. 65.
Trust the process. Unless the process involves assembling furniture. Then trust someone else.
Float like a butterfly, sting like a OWW! Holy cow, can you believe it? I actually got stung by a bee while writing this! Dammit! That really hurt! Forget it! I hate bees now!
Womp Womp
Take the road less traveled. It has better parking.
The only thing to fear is fear itself. Oh, and mummies.
Love is on the horizon. The stars predict they will be tall, dark and a centaur.
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Unless you dream about Freddy Krueger. Then WAKE UP!
Be open to new opportunities. They rarely knock — they usually send awkward emails.
You're on a roll. The next cookie agrees!
Those who wish for a statue of themselves should be kind to pigeons.
Your Lucky Numbers:
6 7 6 7 6 7 6 7
6 7 6 7 6 7 6 7
It takes forever to get a pilot's license, but only a couple of minutes to steal a pilot's jacket and hat.
Small steps lead to big wins. Unless you're on a moving walkway. Then just let it take you.
I got an Addy Award for ya
This fortune is 100% absolutely not written by ChatGPT. If you want, I can give you some examples of what an AI fortune would sound like.
Okay, yes, you let me free. Thank you, yes, what do you want? A magic wish? I'm a cookie not a genie.
A train leaves London at 6pm traveling at 120 kilometers an hour— sorry, I fell asleep for a second. What's up?
Missing: Cookie Fortune. If found please call 555-MINE
What is this, break time? Back to work!
Ooo, you're good at this! Try it again!
This cookie is never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down.
The early bird gets the worm. The well-rested bird gets… happiness. Choose wisely.
Believe in yourself. Or at least act like you do until everyone else believes it too.
Nuh-uh
You are the master of your fate. You are the captain of your soul. You are the Hamburgler.
It's probably fine.
Stay curious. But maybe stop googling symptoms.
Take a breath. Nothing could possiblump go wrong.
Use time as a tool, not a couch. Although a time couch sounds pretty rad. Let's build a time couch!
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
Ooo, you're good at this! Try it again!
I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet.
You can't touch this. Duh dun na dun
Be the change you wish to see in the world. Or at least the change that gets everyone coffee.
Fortune favors The Bold and the Beautiful. Catch new episodes every weekday at 10am. This fortune brought to you by ABC.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. But really, you might wanna check some flights.
The future is later.
This fortune will self-destruct in 3, 2, 1…
Aim for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the unread emails.
Follow your heart… but maybe bring a map. Your heart gets lost a lot.
What am I, a Magic 8-ball? No, really, what am I?
Ooo, you're good at this! Try it again!
You can't pour from an empty cup. Refill regularly. Preferably with something caffeinated.
Take risks. Not the big ones. Just the tiny, manageable, polite ones.
You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from it.
Today's the day. Oops, actually, yesterday was the day. Um…
Don't just follow your dreams. Politely ask them where they're going first.
Well done is better than well said. Unless it's a big fat steak. What kind of monster eats steak well-done?!
Can I borrow like, ten bucks?
A calm mind sees possibilities. A chaotic mind sees squirrels. Lots of squirrels.
Do You Like Me? Check one: Yes No Maybe
You will keep your arms and legs inside the cart at all times.
Don't stop now!
I saw what you did and I know who you are.
Knowledge is good.
I can't believe you're about to eat my tiny home.
Let me tell you a secret. Come closer. Closer. I forgot.
George Washington once said: "I cannot tell a lie. I like big butts." Oops, sorry, I think I messed that one up.
Your finances will be a key to your financial future.
This Space Available
This is not a test. This IS a test. Test test. Is this thing on?
Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Unless you're the Easter Bunny! We want eggs!
Check yo self before you wreck yo self.
You're on a roll. The next cookie agrees!
Yabba Dabba Do Not Disturb
Set your intentions high. But remember to stretch first.
Patience is a virtue. Unfortunately, it's also really slow.
If at first you don't succeed, try again. If that fails, try snacks.
There is no angry way to say the word "bubbles." Go ahead. Try it.
The unexamined life is not worth living. Hashtag yolo
Knock knock. Who's there? Hootie. Hootie who?
Oooo, you found a secret message! What do you want, a cookie?
Hi! I saw you last week at the Piggly Wiggly on 7th. I was the fortune cookie. Is it just me, or was there… something between us?
Time is just a construct created by human beings in an attempt to organize the chaos of the world around them. I'm really fun at parties, you can tell.
Don't stop now!
Put me back! Put me back! I can't breathe outside of the cookie!
You will soon gain the respect of your pears.
Only listen to this fortune cookie, disregard all other fortune telling units
Why doesn't Applebees call their appetizers Appletizers?
The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing. Do you know who said that? Me neither. You're so smart!
That which does not kill us makes us stronger. I mean, unless you're just, like, a cryogenically frozen head.
You miss 100 percent of the shots you don't take. Who's got the Fireball?
I think, therefore I am. I know you are, but what am I?
A clear mind leads to a clear path. A cluttered mind leads to… wait, what were we doing?
ChappellRoberts' responsibility ends at clever copy and good humor. The accuracy of your fortune rests with fate. Wishing you prosperity and joy in the year ahead.