Take the road less traveled. It has better parking.
It takes forever to get a pilot's license, but only a couple of minutes to steal a pilot's jacket and hat.
Avoid taking unnecessary gambles. Your lucky numbers are: 12. 14. 32. 65.
I can't believe you're about to eat my tiny home.
I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet.
Nuh-uh
Small steps lead to big wins. Unless you're on a moving walkway. Then just let it take you.
Well done is better than well said. Unless it's a big fat steak. What kind of monster eats steak well-done?!
Trust the process. Unless the process involves assembling furniture. Then trust someone else.
You are the Walrus. Goo goo gajoob.
Do it again. Double dog dare ya.
The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing. Do you know who said that? Me neither. You're so smart!
Take a breath. Nothing could possiblump go wrong.
The early bird gets the worm. The well-rested bird gets… happiness. Choose wisely.
It's probably fine.
You will soon gain the respect of your pears.
Your finances will be a key to your financial future.
Why doesn't Applebees call their appetizers Appletizers?
If at first you don't succeed, try again. If that fails, try snacks.
You will keep your arms and legs inside the cart at all times.
Be the change you wish to see in the world. Or at least the change that gets everyone coffee.
You're on a roll. The next cookie agrees!
A calm mind sees possibilities. A chaotic mind sees squirrels. Lots of squirrels.
I got an Addy Award for ya
A clear mind leads to a clear path. A cluttered mind leads to… wait, what were we doing?
Love is on the horizon. The stars predict they will be tall, dark and a centaur.
Do You Like Me? Check one: Yes No Maybe
You can't touch this. Duh dun na dun
The future is later.
This Space Available
This fortune will self-destruct in 3, 2, 1…
What is this, break time? Back to work!
Ooo, you're good at this! Try it again!
Time is just a construct created by human beings in an attempt to organize the chaos of the world around them. I'm really fun at parties, you can tell.
Those who wish for a statue of themselves should be kind to pigeons.
Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Unless you're the Easter Bunny! We want eggs!
Don't just follow your dreams. Politely ask them where they're going first.
Use time as a tool, not a couch. Although a time couch sounds pretty rad. Let's build a time couch!
Can I borrow like, ten bucks?
Hi! I saw you last week at the Piggly Wiggly on 7th. I was the fortune cookie. Is it just me, or was there… something between us?
Follow your heart… but maybe bring a map. Your heart gets lost a lot.
Knowledge is good.
A train leaves London at 6pm traveling at 120 kilometers an hour— sorry, I fell asleep for a second. What's up?
I can do this all day. How 'bout you?
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. But really, you might wanna check some flights.
Set your intentions high. But remember to stretch first.
This is not a test. This IS a test. Test test. Is this thing on?
Yabba Dabba Do Not Disturb
You are the master of your fate. You are the captain of your soul. You are the Hamburgler.
Float like a butterfly, sting like a OWW! Holy cow, can you believe it? I actually got stung by a bee while writing this! Dammit! That really hurt! Forget it! I hate bees now!
Let me tell you a secret. Come closer. Closer. I forgot.
Your Lucky Numbers:
6 7 6 7 6 7 6 7
6 7 6 7 6 7 6 7
I think, therefore I am. I know you are, but what am I?
Okay, yes, you let me free. Thank you, yes, what do you want? A magic wish? I'm a cookie not a genie.
Momentum is a powerful thing. Keep cracking!
The only thing to fear is fear itself. Oh, and mummies.
Only listen to this fortune cookie, disregard all other fortune telling units
You can't pour from an empty cup. Refill regularly. Preferably with something caffeinated.
George Washington once said: "I cannot tell a lie. I like big butts." Oops, sorry, I think I messed that one up.
Womp Womp
Put me back! Put me back! I can't breathe outside of the cookie!
What am I, a Magic 8-ball? No, really, what am I?
You miss 100 percent of the shots you don't take. Who's got the Fireball?
Today's the day. Oops, actually, yesterday was the day. Um…
You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from it.
I can do this all day. How 'bout you?
Missing: Cookie Fortune. If found please call 555-MINE
This cookie is never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down.
Take risks. Not the big ones. Just the tiny, manageable, polite ones.
There is no angry way to say the word "bubbles." Go ahead. Try it.
I saw what you did and I know who you are.
The unexamined life is not worth living. Hashtag yolo
Check yo self before you wreck yo self.
Patience is a virtue. Unfortunately, it's also really slow.
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
This fortune is 100% absolutely not written by ChatGPT. If you want, I can give you some examples of what an AI fortune would sound like.
Ooo, you're good at this! Try it again!
That which does not kill us makes us stronger. I mean, unless you're just, like, a cryogenically frozen head.
Fortune favors The Bold and the Beautiful. Catch new episodes every weekday at 10am. This fortune brought to you by ABC.
Knock knock. Who's there? Hootie. Hootie who?
Oooo, you found a secret message! What do you want, a cookie?
Believe in yourself. Or at least act like you do until everyone else believes it too.
Be open to new opportunities. They rarely knock — they usually send awkward emails.
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Unless you dream about Freddy Krueger. Then WAKE UP!
Aim for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the unread emails.
Stay curious. But maybe stop googling symptoms.
ChappellRoberts' responsibility ends at clever copy and good humor. The accuracy of your fortune rests with fate. Wishing you prosperity and joy in the year ahead.