It takes forever to get a pilot's license, but only a couple of minutes to steal a pilot's jacket and hat.
Trust the process. Unless the process involves assembling furniture. Then trust someone else.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. But really, you might wanna check some flights.
The future is later.
It's probably fine.
Today's the day. Oops, actually, yesterday was the day. Um…
You can't touch this. Duh dun na dun
Fortune favors The Bold and the Beautiful. Catch new episodes every weekday at 10am. This fortune brought to you by ABC.
Don't just follow your dreams. Politely ask them where they're going first.
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Unless you dream about Freddy Krueger. Then WAKE UP!
Don't stop now!
That which does not kill us makes us stronger. I mean, unless you're just, like, a cryogenically frozen head.
Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Unless you're the Easter Bunny! We want eggs!
The unexamined life is not worth living. Hashtag yolo
You will soon gain the respect of your pears.
Do You Like Me? Check one: Yes No Maybe
Stay curious. But maybe stop googling symptoms.
I can't believe you're about to eat my tiny home.
Okay, yes, you let me free. Thank you, yes, what do you want? A magic wish? I'm a cookie not a genie.
This fortune will self-destruct in 3, 2, 1…
Well done is better than well said. Unless it's a big fat steak. What kind of monster eats steak well-done?!
Do it again. Double dog dare ya.
You will keep your arms and legs inside the cart at all times.
Float like a butterfly, sting like a OWW! Holy cow, can you believe it? I actually got stung by a bee while writing this! Dammit! That really hurt! Forget it! I hate bees now!
Why doesn't Applebees call their appetizers Appletizers?
The only thing to fear is fear itself. Oh, and mummies.
I saw what you did and I know who you are.
Put me back! Put me back! I can't breathe outside of the cookie!
Take a breath. Nothing could possiblump go wrong.
This cookie is never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down.
Only listen to this fortune cookie, disregard all other fortune telling units
George Washington once said: "I cannot tell a lie. I like big butts." Oops, sorry, I think I messed that one up.
Momentum is a powerful thing. Keep cracking!
A train leaves London at 6pm traveling at 120 kilometers an hour— sorry, I fell asleep for a second. What's up?
Time is just a construct created by human beings in an attempt to organize the chaos of the world around them. I'm really fun at parties, you can tell.
Check yo self before you wreck yo self.
I got an Addy Award for ya
Womp Womp
You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from it.
I think, therefore I am. I know you are, but what am I?
Be open to new opportunities. They rarely knock — they usually send awkward emails.
Let me tell you a secret. Come closer. Closer. I forgot.
The early bird gets the worm. The well-rested bird gets… happiness. Choose wisely.
I can do this all day. How 'bout you?
Aim for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the unread emails.
What am I, a Magic 8-ball? No, really, what am I?
Your finances will be a key to your financial future.
Set your intentions high. But remember to stretch first.
Small steps lead to big wins. Unless you're on a moving walkway. Then just let it take you.
You are the master of your fate. You are the captain of your soul. You are the Hamburgler.
Yabba Dabba Do Not Disturb
Take risks. Not the big ones. Just the tiny, manageable, polite ones.
You can't pour from an empty cup. Refill regularly. Preferably with something caffeinated.
Nuh-uh
Ooo, you're good at this! Try it again!
There is no angry way to say the word "bubbles." Go ahead. Try it.
I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet.
What is this, break time? Back to work!
You miss 100 percent of the shots you don't take. Who's got the Fireball?
The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing. Do you know who said that? Me neither. You're so smart!
Your Lucky Numbers:
6 7 6 7 6 7 6 7
6 7 6 7 6 7 6 7
If at first you don't succeed, try again. If that fails, try snacks.
This is not a test. This IS a test. Test test. Is this thing on?
Avoid taking unnecessary gambles. Your lucky numbers are: 12. 14. 32. 65.
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
I can do this all day. How 'bout you?
Those who wish for a statue of themselves should be kind to pigeons.
This Space Available
Can I borrow like, ten bucks?
Be the change you wish to see in the world. Or at least the change that gets everyone coffee.
You are the Walrus. Goo goo gajoob.
A calm mind sees possibilities. A chaotic mind sees squirrels. Lots of squirrels.
A clear mind leads to a clear path. A cluttered mind leads to… wait, what were we doing?
Hi! I saw you last week at the Piggly Wiggly on 7th. I was the fortune cookie. Is it just me, or was there… something between us?
Follow your heart… but maybe bring a map. Your heart gets lost a lot.
Oooo, you found a secret message! What do you want, a cookie?
Do it again. Double dog dare ya.
This fortune is 100% absolutely not written by ChatGPT. If you want, I can give you some examples of what an AI fortune would sound like.
Use time as a tool, not a couch. Although a time couch sounds pretty rad. Let's build a time couch!
Patience is a virtue. Unfortunately, it's also really slow.
Knowledge is good.
Knock knock. Who's there? Hootie. Hootie who?
Missing: Cookie Fortune. If found please call 555-MINE
Take the road less traveled. It has better parking.
Love is on the horizon. The stars predict they will be tall, dark and a centaur.
Believe in yourself. Or at least act like you do until everyone else believes it too.
ChappellRoberts' responsibility ends at clever copy and good humor. The accuracy of your fortune rests with fate. Wishing you prosperity and joy in the year ahead.