Trust the process. Unless the process involves assembling furniture. Then trust someone else.
You can't pour from an empty cup. Refill regularly. Preferably with something caffeinated.
Aim for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the unread emails.
Why doesn't Applebees call their appetizers Appletizers?
I got an Addy Award for ya
That which does not kill us makes us stronger. I mean, unless you're just, like, a cryogenically frozen head.
Only listen to this fortune cookie, disregard all other fortune telling units
What am I, a Magic 8-ball? No, really, what am I?
Take risks. Not the big ones. Just the tiny, manageable, polite ones.
You can't touch this. Duh dun na du
I can do this all day. How 'bout you?
Those who wish for a statue of themselves should be kind to pigeons.
The future is later.
Time is just a construct created by human beings in an attempt to organize the chaos of the world around them. I'm really fun at parties, you can tell.
Do You Like Me? Check one: Yes No Maybe
I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet.
Believe in yourself. Or at least act like you do until everyone else believes it too.
Let me tell you a secret. Come closer. Closer. I forgot.
Oooo, you found a secret message! What do you want, a cookie?
Hi! I saw you last week at the Piggly Wiggly on 7th. I was the fortune cookie. Is it just me, or was there… something between us?
You will keep your arms and legs inside the cart at all times.
Ooo, you're good at this! Try it again!
The early bird gets the worm. The well-rested bird gets… happiness. Choose wisely.
A calm mind sees possibilities. A chaotic mind sees squirrels. Lots of squirrels.
The unexamined life is not worth living. Hashtag yolo
Knowledge is good.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. But really, you might wanna check some flights.
Be the change you wish to see in the world. Or at least the change that gets everyone coffee.
You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from it.
Be open to new opportunities. They rarely knock — they usually send awkward emails.
Put me back! Put me back! I can't breathe outside of the cookie!
If at first you don't succeed, try again. If that fails, try snacks.
Momentum is a powerful thing. Keep cracking!
You are the master of your fate. You are the captain of your soul. You are the Hamburgler.
This cookie is never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down.
Take a breath. Nothing could possiblump go wrong.
Well done is better than well said. Unless it's a big fat steak. What kind of monster eats steak well-done?!
Your Lucky Numbers:
6 7 6 7 6 7 6 7
6 7 6 7 6 7 6 7
This is not a test. This IS a test. Test test. Is this thing on?
Womp Wom
Avoid taking unnecessary gambles. Your lucky numbers are: 12. 14. 32. 65.
Small steps lead to big wins. Unless you're on a moving walkway. Then just let it take you.
Stay curious. But maybe stop googling symptoms.
You're on a roll. The next cookie agrees!
Fortune favors The Bold and the Beautiful. Catch new episodes every weekday at 10am. This fortune brought to you by ABC.
Today's the day. Oops, actually, yesterday was the day. Um…
You miss 100 percent of the shots you don't take. Who's got the Fireball?
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Unless you dream about Freddy Krueger. Then WAKE UP!
Set your intentions high. But remember to stretch first.
You are the Walrus. Goo goo gajoob.
The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing. Do you know who said that? Me neither. You're so smart!
Nuh-uh
Don't just follow your dreams. Politely ask them where they're going first.
George Washington once said: "I cannot tell a lie. I like big butts." Oops, sorry, I think I messed that one up.
You're on a roll. The next cookie agrees!
What is this, break time? Back to work!
I can't believe you're about to eat my tiny home.
Take the road less traveled. It has better parking.
Can I borrow like, ten bucks?
Knock knock. Who's there? Hootie. Hootie who?
A clear mind leads to a clear path. A cluttered mind leads to… wait, what were we doing?
Yabba Dabba Do Not Disturb
I saw what you did and I know who you are.
Okay, yes, you let me free. Thank you, yes, what do you want? A magic wish? I'm a cookie not a genie.
It takes forever to get a pilot's license, but only a couple of minutes to steal a pilot's jacket and hat.
Ooo, you're good at this! Try it again!
Missing: Cookie Fortune. If found please call 555-MINE
Patience is a virtue. Unfortunately, it's also really slow.
This fortune will self-destruct in 3, 2, 1…
This fortune is 100% absolutely not written by ChatGPT. If you want, I can give you some examples of what an AI fortune would sound like.
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
It's probably fine.
This Space Available
A train leaves London at 6pm traveling at 120 kilometers an hour— sorry, I fell asleep for a second. What's up?
Love is on the horizon. The stars predict they will be tall, dark and a centaur.
Check yo self before you wreck yo self.
You're on a roll. The next cookie agrees!
Use time as a tool, not a couch. Although a time couch sounds pretty rad. Let's build a time couch!
There is no angry way to say the word "bubbles." Go ahead. Try it.
The only thing to fear is fear itself. Oh, and mummies.
Float like a butterfly, sting like a OWW! Holy cow, can you believe it? I actually got stung by a bee while writing this! Dammit! That really hurt! Forget it! I hate bees now!
Your finances will be a key to your financial future.
You will soon gain the respect of your pears.
I think, therefore I am. I know you are, but what am I?
Follow your heart… but maybe bring a map. Your heart gets lost a lot.
Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Unless you're the Easter Bunny! We want eggs!